Peer pressure and self-worth

Almost all children and young people are spending time online. There is no doubt that the virtual world plays a significant role in the lives of young people and there are many wonderful benefits. It is also certain that the online world can pose risks and threats to young people and has the potential to cause harm to their emotional wellbeing and mental health, their physical health and their social relationships.

Online platforms give individuals a chance to have their ideas, opinions and comments widely seen and heard. Being connected to friends and having the ability to chat with them when faced with difficult times can help kids and teens feel confident and connected. The day’s events can be discussed, plans can be made, reassuring words can be offered, and kindness and affection exchanged. Finding friends online who have similar interests can also promote a sense of self-worth. This was certainly highlighted during the pandemic when we were all isolated in our homes and digital connection increased dramatically. However, the pressure to keep up with friends and be constantly available online can also lead to anxiety and self-doubt with children often feeling judged through their digital persona and engagement online.

The online world has an urgency about it. Interactions online happen so quickly we often feel a pressing need to react immediately, not allowing time to stop and think. For some young people, being the first to like, comment or to post about something is akin to a badge of honour. Unfortunately, this means that the responses are more likely to be gut reactions and sometimes even be hurtful or harmful.

Writer and Child Development commentator, Rachel Tee-Melegrito (2022) states ‘social media has revolutionized how people interact…however, a substantial body of research suggests that it can have negative consequences.’ If a friend or friends suddenly stops chatting, it may provoke anxiety prompting thoughts in young people such as: What did I do? What are they thinking about me? What will happen if they stop being my friend? 

Images can also be problematic as the subliminal message can be: ‘Look at what I have’, ‘You’re not cool if you don’t have this’, ‘This is how you need to look to be my friend’ or ‘Are you brave enough to do this trend?’ The pressure to perform as the ultimate friend online can be enormous and if the young person cannot live up to these impossible standards, not only are they without friends, they can be socially ‘cancelled’ or become isolated and depressed.

The University of Queensland has published recommendations for building self-confidence in teenagers (2023). While they are directed at parents, the advice works equally well for educators and can serve as an excellent starting point with children and young people.

• If a child in your care talks in two-word sentences, it might be time to reassess what you’re talking about and ask more in-depth questions. 
• Encouraging children to make decisions in their everyday life, small and large, will assist them in the future to advocate for their own choices with conviction.
• Even if you don’t agree with them, showing that you respect the sharing of their opinions will open up more adult conversations and help them to understand that their voice matters.
• Encourage participation in team activities. This will help them to assert themselves in a group situation and cultivate a sense of belonging, which naturally enhances self-esteem.
• Try not to shy away from, or downplay, the compliments you receive from others. If you can show children that you know your self-worth, they will see this as natural behaviour and become more comfortable receiving praise for their strengths too.
• Praise the child’s efforts rather than the outcomes of their actions…show that you’re proud of them for giving something a go, showing commitment and challenging themselves, no matter the result.
• Steer your child away from comparing themselves to others or allowing any negative inner monologues to overshadow their strengths. Encourage them to focus on the qualities, skills and attributes they like about themselves instead.

Following this advice will help the children and young people that you care about to build self-worth and self-confidence on and offline.